Eh Crazy Dolphin Lady!

17.44.EH BRAH

Eh, crazy dolphin lady: you started coming around our beautiful South Maui bay. You go after the spinner dolphin pod, frantically swimming towards them, chasing them, trying to touch them and even hitch a ride by grabbing their dorsal fins. Seriously, you’re a menace. Dolphins are great ambassadors of love, but sometimes humans who lack of love in their lives–like, I’m guessing, you–are drawn to them to fill a void in their lives. Sorry, but the … [Read more...]

Eh Agro Bruddah On Hana Highway!


This goes out to the agro older bruddah in the pickup on Hana Highway: It’s actually because you tried to force your way in at the merge just past Haleakala Highway that I don’t believe you were entitled to any courtesy. And just because I decided to exercise my right of way, that doesn’t mean you get to drive the next several miles screaming, flipping me off, tailgating and flashing your brights at me (in the daytime). All you succeeded in was … [Read more...]

Eh Brah, No Vaping On Da Maui Bus!

17.42.EH BRAH

Eh Brah! So, you like to vaporize or smoke E-cigs on the bus and in the mall? This product is too new and there isn’t enough research done to determine the long term health effects. I bet 90 percent or more of the users don’t even know what the ingredients are! It’s not fair for keiki or the health-conscious to breathe in nicotine-laced, scented e-liquid in an enclosed space like the bus, where opening a window is not an option. And the odor … [Read more...]

Eh Crazy Property Manager!

17.41.EH BRAH

Eh, sistah. You’re the property manager of a house in Paia. Why do you have to be an extreme partier? You and the people who live there party there non-stop, from 10 at night until early the next morning. You have bands over there and do everything you can to disrupt the neighborhood. You think you’re invisible, and that you can sit back there and smoke cigarettes, but we all know how inconsiderate you are. People at other properties are getting … [Read more...]

Eh Crazy Lady!

17.39.EH BRAH

The nerve of you two bad-mouthed old muckity mucks in Kihei! There I was, peacefully taking pictures of my skateboarding kids, when you two walked up and wrecked the serenity of our evening with your 10-minute verbal assault. When you told me to leave your street (which I live on) or you were calling the police, I saw how amped up you were (too much viagra?). I’m still shocked that after hearing your husband’s filthy rant, that yow followed me up … [Read more...]

Eh Loud Guy At The Coffeehouse!

17.38.EH BRAH

Eh brah! You were sitting in the coffee shop, talking to your mother at epic loudness! Take your over-age, uncooth self and talk on the frickin’ speaker phone outside! No one wants to hear you whine about how difficult it is to live on Maui–how you’re having a hard time to find a place to rent or a woman or how your ex still has all your stuff! Get a life! No wonder you can’t find a place… You’re too loud! Illustration by Ron Pitts … [Read more...]

Eh Bad Waiter!

17.37.EH BRAH

If there’s a competition for the worst waiter of the year, you’re a great candidate. We asked for beer, and it never arrived. We asked for salsa, and you added $3.25 to the bill. We ordered fajitas, and you forgot to bring tortillas. And I ordered a beer, which you also forgot to bring. “Uhh, sorry, dude,” you said. “Maybe next time, yeah?” Don’t worry–we’ll make sure our next visit happens when you’re not working. Illustration by Ron Pitts … [Read more...]

Eh Backpack Thief!

17.36.EH BRAH

Mahalo to the jerk who stole my daughter's backpack out of her car at our garage sale in Makawao. Not only did you steal her school books and schoolwork, you also got away with her iPad. That was her sweet sixteenth birthday gift and it contained tons of pictures, college essays and books for school. Thanks for the aloha and for letting her have a great senior year! Illustration by Ron Pitts … [Read more...]

Eh Pooping Dog Owners!


Hello young lovers–the ones who “were walking” the black and white dog on Sugar Beach the other morning. Perhaps, if you had actually been holding the dog’s leash, you would have noticed the deposit she left for those following you. Of course, even if you had your dog under control, you weren’t carrying a bag or anything, so it’s not like you would have done anything about it. Then a few days later, you came back to the beach with two dogs, both … [Read more...]

Eh Coconut Burner!


Hey neighbor: I can understand if you’re having a barbecue or cooking something, but why are you making a fire just to see the smoke? When you throw coconuts in the fire, that toxic smoke really burns the lungs. Why did you keep doing that, so much so that I had to call the fire department? You’re killing my lungs, brah, when you fill my hale with smoke! Plus, we’re in the city! Give it a rest, man, and stop wasting the fire department’s time and … [Read more...]