I bitch about TSA every time, but I gotta thank you, the Maui Airport security guy who recently had the “pleasure” of X-raying my man purse. As I was clearing the security checkpoint with my five-month old daughter strapped to my chest and my fiance waiting for me ahead, I noticed you laugh at the screen, re-xray my bag, then summon three other co-workers. You all laughed and pointed. Then you brought me my bag, laughed, slapped it and said, “Here’s your bag, it’s vibrating.” I was in a post-flight stupor and thought nothing of it. But the next day as I was unpacking, I opened the bag and saw a nine-inch blue vibrating dildo peering out at me, draining the last of the battery after buzzing all night. I only know one pervert who’s sick enough to do this to a person, but I seriously need to thank the TSA guy for being discrete, for not yelling “BAG CHECK” and then holding a public showing of the, um, item in question. You did me a favor, friend, and I thank you.
Illustration by Ron Pitts
4 Comments
June 29, 2012
Everyone knows it was your dildo.
June 29, 2012
Apparently that dildo drives your chocolate highway. Thanks for acknowledging that.
June 29, 2012
You should always use the indefinite article, always A dildo, never Your dildo.
June 30, 2012
Meanwhile, the a-hole who put it in there with every intention of you being publicly humiliated now hates the TSA more than ever, hahaha