All weddings feature cliches; it’s tradition after all. But a handful of particularly worn-out practices need to be left at the altar…
Excessive toasts A letter away from roasts. A word from the best man and maid of honor is fine; maybe Dad and Mom. Drunk dude at table seven? Don’t pass him the mic.
The Macarena Shouldn’t have to say this, but in case there have been some really long engagements, it’s over. ‘Been over for a while. (You too, Chicken Song).
Smooshing cake in the face Yeah. Didn’t see that coming.
Limos Is a limo necessary at a wedding? Better question: is a limo ever necessary?
Readings from Corinthians When the band Tonic turned the psalm into a love song, it was over. When that song landed a spot on As-Seen-on-TV compilation The Edge, it was really over.
Navajo blessings If you’re not Navajo and you don’t dance with wolves, don’t read a damn Navajo verse.
Tossing of the garter Flinging a thigh-sweaty, lacy piece of elastic into a crowd isn’t cute or racy. It’s gross.
Saving the cake Have you ever eaten a year-old, frozen piece of cake? Neither have we. Instead, use the space in your freezer for a rotating cast of vodka bottles. That’s where the romance really happens.
Throwing rice Birds do not explode if they eat uncooked rice; Mythbusters says so. But it can lead to nasty spills and is as much a curse to clean up as confetti. Instead try butterflies, paper airplanes or bubbles.