Rock Stars, Celebs and Has-Beens Say Their Friends Will Buy Big Homes in Hawaii If Legislature Passes Steven Tyler Act And Criminalizes Paparazzi

The news was abuzz this morning with word that Steven Tyler himself would be testifying this morning in front of the Senate Judiciary and Labor Committee on SB 465, the so-called “Steven Tyler Act” that would criminalize the taking of photos of famous persons, even if such persons were in public areas. (Click here to see the testimony outlined below, as well as the status and language of SB 465.)

The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), which represents television news organizations, has already submitted it’s statement in opposition to the loathsome bill, which was introduced by Maui’s own Senator J. Kalani English. The MPAA statement calls the bill “vague and ambiguous” and says it “abridges the right of free speech.” What’s more,

“Proponents of the legislation assert that aggressive paparazzi are causing harm, and that this legislation will curb that behavior. However, police already have the power to ensure that public streets and sidewalks are open and not blocked to vehicular and pedestrian traffic. And there are ample common law remedies for invasion of privacy, including obtaining an injunction against conduct that menaces or harasses another.”

But most of the testimony submitted so far has been in support of the bill. And, you guessed it, the support is all from celebrities. What’s more, it’s all the same, identical support, in the form of the same, identical letter. A whole bunch of celebs submitted the same love letter to SB 465, which contains the following language:

“As you know, Hawaii is a beautiful state known worldwide as a peaceful oasis far removed from the nonstop activity on the mainland. This tranquility is being violated by paparazzi who use high tech equipment or engage in high-speed car chases to capture celebrities’ most private moments from unprecedented distances and sell those images or recordings for exorbitant sums of money.”

See? The poor rich and famous of the world–who require fame and publicity, as long as it’s on their terms–just want Hawaii to be their “oasis” from the terrible Mainland that funds their lives. Never mind that people actually live in Hawaii, people with the same rights guaranteed under the U.S. Constitution as they have. Hawaii is just a playground to the celebs, a place for shore leave before they have to return to the everyday grind of being famous.

Seriously, celebs need the press, and they need paparazzi, just like we need them (and as anyone who sees the long list of tags at the bottom of this post knows, we need them just as much). Anyway, the following celebs, rock stars and has-beens all signed this absurd, hypocritical SB 465 support letter:

Mick Fleetwood

Tommy Lee

Britney Spears

Avril Lavigne

Neil Diamond

Katherine von Drachenberg (“Kat von D”)

Margaret Cho

Fred Coury of Cinderella (who apparently felt compelled to sign his letter “Fred Coury of Cinderella” because, presumably, people otherwise wouldn’t know who he was)

Frankie Banali (Quiet Riot–see above)

Darren “Dizzy” Reed of Guns N’ Roses

Et tu, Margaret? After we put you on our cover? For shame!

But what really cuts is the fact that Sharon, Kelly, Jack and Ozzy Osbourne all signed the same letter in support of the bill. That’s right–the stars of The Osbournes, the MTV reality show that ran from 2002 to 2005–all whined to our state legislators about protecting their privacy rights (though it was nice to see that Ozzy’s stationery includes a little cartoon of himself holding a cross that bears the name “OZZY”).

Of course, Aimee Osbourne–Ozzy and Sharon’s other daughter who long ago refused to participate in The Osbournes TV show because, she said, it was so intrusive–did NOT submit any testimony for or against the Steven Tyler Act.

But hey! Relax! This isn’t about the First Amendment. It’s about getting rich and famous people to buy expensive homes here–homes locals could never afford. And the celebs are perfectly willing to do this, if the state Legislature first helps them out. And the celebs’ letter in support of SB 465 makes this perfectly, nakedly clear:

“Providing a remedy to the often-egregious acts of the paparazzi is a very notable incentive to purchase property or vacation on the islands. Not only would this help the local economy, but it would also help ensure the safety of the general public, which can be threatened by crowds of cameramen or dangerous high-speed car chases.”

See? Don’t you feel better now? Who cares that legislators are lining up to pass a bill that will never pass muster with either the state or U.S. Constitution. What difference does it make if the celebs who signed support letters are just craven hypocrites who need fame to survive in the same way we need food and air?

They just want to spend the money they made being famous (helped, in large part, by paparazzi photos) to buy homes here and vacation here. Then, if we’re lucky, they’ll smile and drop coins in our little hands when we serve their whims.

Hip, Hip–Hurrah!

Photo of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne: U.S. Navy Journalist 3rd Class Devin Wright/Wikimedia Commons