Sign Language: It’s Time For Sagittarians To Hang With Crack Whores

signs_web

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You’re the host(ess) with the most(est), or you ought to be, this week. Don’t even think about leaving your house, except to dash out to pick up more vegetarian pigs-in-a-blanket, a DJ, or bags of ice for the fabulous cocktails you’re whipping up for your guests. Folks are queuing up outside, waiting to partake of your cuisine, bar, wit, and hospitality, and chances are you’re eager to give it to them. It’s more or … [Read more...]

Sign Language: Aquarians Should Shut Up

signs_web

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Self-promote this week. Usually you’re too shy, humble, or diplomatic to engage in this kind of behavior, but sometimes it’s the only way to let people know what you’re about and what you can do. This isn’t about selling yourself or convincing anyone of anything–notions you find repugnant. It’s just about clueing people in to what you’re capable of, in case they might be interested. Once you’ve gently lobbed this ball … [Read more...]

Your MauiTime Horoscope

signs_web

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Consider this excerpt from Shockheaded Peter, a cautionary children’s book, as sung by the Tiger Lillies: “Fidgety fidgety fidgety Phil….he won’t sit still…he rocks backwards and forwards on his chair... Mama’s getting very cross. See the moody, restless child! He wraps the tablecloth and then down upon the ground he falls, with knives, plates, forks, spoons and all… Where is Philip? Where is he? Oh there he is! And he … [Read more...]

Your MauiTime Horoscope

signs_web

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Whoa. I’m getting a tan just standing next to you. Putting out this much shine must really be straining the fusion reaction that is your heart. However, don’t shut it down. Those who can’t take the glow, the UV radiation, or the heat may back off for a bit (unconsciously spreading your notoriety even further) but trying to flip on the dimmer switch is like trying to stop a sneeze—definitely not a good idea. Keep on … [Read more...]

Your Special MauiTime Horoscope

signs_web

Cancer (June 21-July 22) You often get the front seat to various minor soap operas, and let’s face it; you enjoy it. It can be fun to watch other people freak out, screw each other or screw each other over (or both), fall in and out of love, and generally be sloppy and eminently human. Be careful of this week’s newest drama, though. It’s the kind that can suck you right into it before you’ve even noticed; there’s no fourth wall in this … [Read more...]

Your Super Special MauiTime Horoscope

signs_web

Cancer (June 21-July 22) Make life easier on yourself. You’re just clinging to that irritating behavior out of stubbornness. You know that most of those you adore find that habit annoying, and—if truth be known—you’re not even all that attached to it anymore, yourself. You’ve just been holding on to it out of fear of appearing to capitulate to others’ demands or desires. That would be awful, to give people the impression that they had some … [Read more...]

Your Super Special Maui Horoscope

signs_web

Cancer (June 21-July 22) Things get tricky when you live in an economy of scarcity. Sharing—of anything; love, food, your bed—becomes nigh unto impossible when you believe there won’t be enough to satisfy your own needs, let alone others’. “Let them take care of themselves,” you think. “I’ve barely got enough for me.” Unfortunately, it’s that kind of attitude that begets true scarcity. Imagine your positions were reversed; you’d dearly wish … [Read more...]

Your Maui Horoscope

signs

Gemini (May 21-June 20) A little more than a decade ago, artist Taryn Simon created a work entitled The Innocents, documenting the lives of people who served time for crimes they didn’t commit. In it, she questions photography’s use as eyewitness accounts, because wrongful convictions often occur from a victim’s response to photographs and lineups during law enforcement’s identification process. Images can blur the line between possible … [Read more...]

Are Leos Becoming Virgos? and Other Cosmic Questions From Sign Language

signs

Gemini (May 21-June 20) You may wish you could just hit SAVE this week, in real life instead of on your computer. That way you could start over if things went sour. I wish you could, too. You’re at that point where you’ve done pretty well so far, but if you continue to try to finish the task at hand—whether it’s an actual project, a conversation, or a marriage proposal—you could really screw things up. Of course, you can’t really leave things … [Read more...]

Your Special Maui Horoscope

signs

  Gemini (May 21-June 20) Even the arms of your Mama, lover or best friend won’t feel that comforting right now. That’s because you’re growing up, Gemini. That doesn’t mean you can never take refuge in those arms again—you just can’t right now. Those people will never deny you, but you must inevitably deny yourself, so you can develop the self-nurturing skills you need. You’re supposed to be the most versatile of signs, damn it, and … [Read more...]